Lost Luggage, Travel Tips and ‘Free’ Shoes.

I travel more than many, I suspect. I have extreme wanderlust, so I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to see the world. And I have been pretty lucky with all my adventures; my luggage has only gone on a walk-about 3 1/2 times.  And I have always gotten it back—eventually.

The first time was the most upsetting. I was traveling to Edinburgh to do my one women show  “I didn’t mean to be a Virgin in the 80s” at the Fringe Festival. (It’s still an adorable show that would make a great RomCom—hint hint investors). I packed my very important not easily replaced costume in my carry-on luggage – since it was vital to the whole show. The very unpleasant gate agent at American Airlines made me gate check my bag—stating it was too big. (I know for a fact having been on their website it met the regulation size) But if you have ever tired to argue with anyone at the gate—you will lose and get invited not to be on the flight. I arrived in Edinburgh without my very important piece of luggage. Apparently my costume wanted to go to Germany. I cried to the lost luggage agent. My month long show run was going to start with a canceled opening night if that green dress didn’t find its way back to me in less than 10 hours. The lovely lady at British Airlines not only VIP’ed my lost bag, she attended the opening show and bought 3 friends. The Scottish are lovely people.

The second time my luggage went on holiday without me was my first Middle East Military tour. I arrived in Djibouti (Africa in case your are not sure of the geography), after about a 47-hour travel day with nothing but the clothes on my back. To give you some insight. Djibouti in August is about 130 degrees and it was in the middle of a sandstorm. Weather that exfoliates- fantastic. Thankfully the base had plenty of T-shirts to share but I had to perform in my travel shoes. (I don’t fly wearing my CFM shoes, more on that later). Djibouti is a 3rd world country. There are no Nordstrom or DSWs to pick up a new pair of “Laura shoes”. I was actually nervous about performing in my ‘travel shoes’ silly I know, but it is the first and only time in over 3000+ shows I was not in fancy shoes. FYI my bag went to Germany again, without me. My suitcase and I were reunited 3 days later at the airport as I left Djibouti.

Ok, back to travel shoes.  Since I fly more than most, I have done some reading on safety. Flying is still the safest mode of transportation. FYI.

Travel tips: You are supposed to wear long pants, closed toe shoes, with rubber soles, and sadly no high heels. Incase of an emergency the rubber sole will protect your feet from heat, ice, fire and/or debris. Long pants and enclosed footwear again protection from the elements if needed.  I hope never to be in a plane emergency but I also don’t think it hurts to be prepared.

I stated my luggage has been lost 3 ½ times, because about 2 years ago on a trip home from NYC my bag was plucked up by accident by a big shot Hollywood agent type at baggage claim. (Check the tags people) To his credit the bag is high end and in a distinctive color. I had never seen another one like it either. Which is why he absconded with my bag without looking at the tag. When his bag was left and mine was gone– I knew the problem. I could of involved the airline baggage authorities, but I think that would have complicated the issue. So I just called the number on the tag (a good reason to do this- FYI) and explained the situation. At first he did not believe me. “ No one ever has a bag like mine.”  “Well I do and you have my stuff.’ He made his limo driver pull over and he checked.  Sure enough—voila- he had taken the wrong suitcase. Since he was already 20 minutes from LAX and on his way to an ‘important’ meeting he asked if I could wait 30 minutes and his driver would come back, return my bag and give me a ride home. Thirty minutes is a much quicker turn around time than dealing with lost luggage personnel and I got a ride home in limo—so I consider it a win.

This last week my luggage and I parted ways in London. I barely made the connecting flight from Amsterdam, so I knew my luggage had no chance. If you have ever traveled through Heathrow, you know that connecting flights and customs requires at LEAST an hour, and more if you have to switch terminals, I had 35 minutes. I ran, I mean RAN like in the movies to get to my connecting flight. Barely made it—I was the second to the last person to board before closing the doors. I knew then that my luggage would be hanging out in London for the night while I flew to Seattle.  Sure enough I arrived sans luggage. My case would be on the next flight from London arriving the next day about 5pm. Problem- I was performing 3-4 hours from the airport and I only have the clothes I have been wearing the last two days and no show/ CFM shoes. I explained this to the lost luggage lady and she was unsure if the airline would cover what they considered to be a non-necessary expense. So on my drive north of Seattle I purchased what I thought were essentials for the next 24-hour plus hours, which included a pair of CFM/ Laura shoes.  When my luggage and I reunited 36 hours later, with a wheel missing—my luggage went on a wild ride. Thankfully, I was graciously reimbursed for all my ‘ nessasary ’ purchases including my new shoes. So thank you British Airlines for losing my luggage? That doesn’t seem right, but I do love my new shoes. So thank you for that. 

Laura

 

All Hale….

Every city–well most iconic cities of the world have a certain je na sais quoi. It’s intangible.

I can tell you from experience London feels very different than Paris, Los Angeles and New York City are nothing alike, Miami is another planet compared to New Orleans –you get the idea. I recently visited Washington DC and it has a very real sense of its own as well. Not all the tourists or students– but if you go to Georgetown – you’ll get a sense of what I’m taking about. Power is the intangible you will perceive.

Washington DC is by no means a fashion mecca. Fashion in DC is classic, clean, expensive but not overtly sexy. Watch Veep and you’ll understand what I mean.  It is a challenge for women to power dress in this world, you want to still be a women but not dress like a man. I have picked up a fair amount of shoes in my travels and I will often name them by the city in which they were purchased. NYC is a filigreed red velvet pump; Chicago is green on green spectator MaryJanes, Vegas is showy rhinestone CFMs. See previous blogs if you want to peruse the collection.

These are my newest darlings, procured in DC on the way to the airport. I almost made it  out of the city without shoe shopping. I blame a fantastic sale and no sales tax week in Maryland. They practically gave this pair to me. I could see a first lady in these- powerful, feminine, classic style, but not gaudy.

All hale the DC pumps.

Laura

Sneakerhead Pro Athlete Term for Shoe Fanatic

I recently found out that many professional athletes are shoe fanatics like myself. We are drawn to different styles of course, but their level of enthusiasm surpasses even my own. Granted they have more funds at their discretion for their collection. But I admire their fervor for footwear nonetheless. They are called sneakerheads. Some of these elite athletes have built special rooms or cases to store their shoe collection. I can appreciate this practice, I too have some of my fancier shoes on display like a piece of art.

But this week’s shoe blog sends a huge kudos to the new San Antonio Spurs forward LaMarcus Aldridge who is upping the ante for all fellow sneakerheads/ shoe fanatics.

Mr. Aldridge who ran out of room in his house for his shoes is in the process of building a separate house behind his main house “just for shoes.”

Of course, the 30-year-old NBA star can afford both his shoe collection and a separate house for his sneakers. He just signed a four-year, $84.1 million contract.

Well done on all accounts Mr. Aldridge.

Aldridge Has Next Level Shoe Storage

10! A New Record.

I hit a new record. I’m not sure if I should be embarrassed or proud. Sadly, I actually don’t know the old record–maybe 4. But I do know that 10 is way past any previous record.

Yes–I purchased 10 pairs of shoes at one time. And I did in little less than half an hour. Should I be embarrassed? Or proud? Here’s the part I am without question proud of… spent with tax $306. (Thank you DSW of Coral Springs, Florida)  Yes, 10 pairs of shoes for about $30 a pair and I “needed” them.  One pair was actually $7, to me that’s like DSW was giving them to me—how could I not scoop up the bargain?!?

Let me explain, I hate to admit it, but I don’t wear 5-inch CFM pumps 24/7.  But that will be our secret. Don’t tell anyone. Real life happens, driving, flying, running errands… And I work.  Skyscraper heels are not conducive to most of real life.  I needed to replace some of my more practical kicks. I had been looking for months to replace some very tired looking shoes; problem is I have an aversion to spending big money on serviceable, boring shoes. I shutter at filtering away the shoes budget on anything that is not exceptional and beautiful, granted there are some cute ballet flats out there, but they will never hold the same allure to me as a pair of stilettoes.

However, good shoe karma hit me square on the head or maybe heel is better. Every pair fit and was on sale, 50%-80% off. The universe sent me a windfall of shoes. So—I bought them. Thank goodness I had packed light and they were all flats (except for one pair—please its still me) Otherwise it would have been another challenge to get them all home. But serendipity played a part –it was a grand shoe plan—and I was just doing my part—providing a home for these previously homeless shoes. So if the shoes fits, you need them and they are on sale—buy them. In my case, buy them all.

Happy Shopping.

Action Movies and High Heels

It’s a combo not seen often, but two friends this week sent me this Youtube clip—and its silly and fun.  Thank you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RZi6NCuLbQ&feature=youtu.be

I would love to see more action movies with high heels; it would for sure up the difficulty factor.  Try fighting crime in stilettos Batman. Or space battles in heels Avengers, Luke or Han. Even Princess Lela in the gold bikini (Iconic image for millions of boys- now men) didn’t don a pair of heels, which clearly would have been a high heel sporting opportunity.

They tried to add high heels in the second Ironman movie with Gwyneth Paltrow (Miss Potts) and Scarlett Johansson (Natalie Rushman/Natasha Romanoff) trying to walk out of Tony Stark’s office together in very high Christian Louboutin shoes. I say try because their gait was so awkward even my friend turned to me in the movie and mentioned how they didn’t know how to walk in heels that high—they should take lessons from me. Apparently some one else noticed this because in the next scene, getting out of the car and walking into party/ reception Miss Potts is wearing a much lower heel and not sporting the red soles so famous on the Louboutin brand. This is not something I think many people would notice, but to the shoe fanatic I am—well it was a glaring continuity error.

But why stop at action films? Why not sports films as well? Chariots of Fire in Heels.  White Men Can’t Jump in Heels. Rocky in Heels. King Pin in Heels. Seabiscuit in Heels—ok now I’m getting ridiculous. But it was kind of fun to think of the oddest combinations.

Happy Sunday

Laura

 

There was an Old Women who Lived in a Shoe… What Happens in Vegas…

Most of the old nursery rhythms are sinister and/or political in nature—Thanks Mother Goose—sweet dreams. Ever really think about the words to Rock a Bye Baby? Frightening!

“There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

She had so many children; she didn’t know what to do.

She gave them some broth without any bread;

And whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.”

The earliest record of “Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe” was printed in Joseph Ritson’s “Gammer Gurton’s Garland” in 1794. The rhyme is reputedly linked to Queen Caroline, who had eight children and her lack of control over parliament.  Is this true? I have no idea. It will be like trying to explain Don Trump running for office in 2265. No one will understand or really care.

I didn’t live in a shoe so much as fall into a shoe. On a recent trip to Vegas—what happens in Vegas… except when your friends take pictures to document your idiotic behavior.

In the fall, Christian Louboutin is opening a store in Vegas. Will I be there? Ah.. Do birds fly? Anyhow in the Cosmopolitan Hotel to garner attention, there is a huge Louboutin shoe. I could not resist the photo op. All good until I fell in said shoe—and literally could not get out. The drop is nearly 2 feet and on a downward angle. And I’m wearing a skirt. I was laughing to hard I had lost any muscle strength with tears streaming down my face. It was funny. But no I really could not get out, not without flashing the entire audience of people watching and also laughing. Oh there were others taking pictures as well—did I mention it was funny? The more I tried to get out the more I was laughing – it was hopeless. My friend was on the ground in stitches—no help. Finally a group of Italians, very little English came by and saw the predicament. They vaulted my out of the shoe— grazie mille! Moral of this fable? I love shoes, but do not wish to live in one.

Laura

Dude Challenged Himself To Wear Heels All Day And Wanted To Die

“I want death. Please let me die.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylNy3cM12tA

Really– I think this says it all! Do I need to expand on this? It’s hard being a girl! Our clothes cost more, are not as comfortable and don’t fit as well. I just wish this guy had to shave his legs, wax his eyes brows (or other parts), wear a bra, maybe some pantyhose, maybe some pointy pumps, apply mascara and any other numerous painful events that are just part of being a girl.

I commend this dude for making it the whole day, even if he called quits on his evening plans in his high heels. Brandon reflected on how some guys love to talk about how girls are irritable or moody, but now, having “walked in women’s shoes,” he might begin to understand.

It was still a very solid effort! Kudos to you Brandon Cohen of Bro Bible!

Laura

PS, Thank you Susan for the link

I want Minions!

I want Minions! No I really do. However, I don’t want to be evil to acquire them… but… I would so utilize a staff of hundreds, the massive amount of good I could accomplish. I can tell you right now potholes in the road would cease to exist, along with litter and everyone’s yard would look fabulous… just a few ideas. I joke all the time that I want a clone. I really need a clone. While I’m being stupidity unrealistic, why not 3 clones? We clone cats and sheep they do nothing. Why not me? I pay taxes. I contribute to society. I can be as useful as a cat or sheep. My posse of Laura’s and I would work! Why stop at 3? Why not a dozen or 100 clones? Now that’s just being crazy and irresponsible. How could possibly keep track of that many copies of myself or feed them? Have you ever seen a family with more that 3 kids? It’s a complete chaotic nightmare. I’m trying to ease my workload, not create more.

It’s not that I’m all that important– I’m just busy. Now I realize busy is my own doing. But this solo Laura works a day job and does comedy at night, tries to write and still have a social life. And I would do more if I just had more time and money etc.…I’m a super hero without any super powers, except my fabulous shoes. I have a crazy amount of ideas– I think are good. And the unrealistic sense that I should try to accomplish all of them. But it would be really helpful if I could have my clones working so this Laura could take a nap!

But wonder if the stand-up clone gets really famous and tries to take the credit? I think Gallagher tried this scenario back a few years ago and it blew up in his face.  Lousy clones…trying to take credit for borrowed success. Wonder if my clone gets cynical and jaded? Being on the road all the time while I’m hanging at home? And she starts bad-mouthing about me all around town. How to I punish essentially myself? There’s so much clone etiquette to learn. 


Wonder if she starts hanging out with other clones? And they want to start a clone union? Maybe I’ll kill her off and start fresh. Or is that rude? Is it suicide or murder to kill your clone? Kill your clone! That’s a great horror movie idea! But clone would have to be spelled with a K because that makes it scarier. Clearly I have thought about this way too much. It would probably get weird. It’s one of those things that seem good in theory. Like whip cream in bed and polygamy to men…

Anyhow Sandra Bullock rocked these Rupert Sanderson pumps at the premiere of Minions, which opens this week. Since this is the closest I’ll ever get to having a minion—I would love a pair. Thank you Nancy for the suggestion.

Back to work for me- minus my minions and clones.

Happy Sunday

Laura

 

Ursula, Octopuses and Other Oddities

I think we can agree Ursula is not an attractive name. And octopuses, octopi or octopodes are ugly. (Yes all three versions are the correct plural form – love English spelling aka confusion)

Ursula the Sea Witch is a cecaelia,  part human, part octopus. She is a fictional character in many stories, namely Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale. The Little Mermaid, but was made most famous as the main antagonist in the animated Disney film version,  The Little Mermaid.

Personally not a fan of octopuses, I don’t even like calamari. My aversion is more from my childhood trauma than the actual taste. Faced with raw, dead octopus at age 6, watching it get cooked, the smell and then having to it eat as a guest in my best friend’s house – who was Greek — has left some childhood scars.

My friend Dan, who seems to have a propensity for finding fun and odd shoe pictures to send me found this pair. First I thought “How hideous!” But the more I look at them —well if they were mine, I would wear them. Maybe like the name Ursula and the appearance of the octopus, I might  have been to quick with my first impression.

Octopi are ugly, but here are a few facts that might make you at least ‘appreciate’ them a little more. Octopuses are among the most intelligent and behaviorally flexible of all invertebrates. Their intelligence, learning capability and problem solving abilities have shown evidence of both short and long term memory. This might shame some people I know who lack one or both. Octopuses can be difficult to keep as pets, but people have tried. They often escape even from supposedly secure tanks, due to their problem-solving skills, mobility and lack of a rigid structure.  So they are smart and sneaky.

Octopuses only live about 6 months, less if they encounter a fisherman.  And reproduction is a cause of death: males can live for only a few months after mating, and females die shortly after their eggs hatch. They neglect to eat during the one-month period spent taking care of their unhatched eggs, eventually dying of starvation.

I’m pretty sure I would have trouble getting these shoes past TSA, But I would indeed wear them and then dazzle/ bore you with facts about the octopus.

Happy Sunday

Laura

 

“Let Them Eat Cake”

Marie Antoinette has gotten a bad rap. The queen upon learning that the peasants had no bread supposedly spoke “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche”, traditional translation “Let them eat cake”. The quote reflected her disregard for the peasants. However there is no record of this phrase ever having been said by her. Actually biographers indicate that Marie-Antoinette was a generous patroness of charity and moved by the plight of the poor when it was brought to her attention, thus making the statement out-of-character.

During her marriage to Louis XVI, Marie-Antoinette was perceived as frivolousness and her very real extravagance were often cited as factors that only worsened France’s dire financial straits. But Louis XVI was way more extravagant, look at Versailles.  She was young, Queen at fourteen, who won’t be a little extravagant?

Second misconception, the bowl or saucer-shaped champagne glass, known as the champagne coupe was molded from Marie Antoinette’s left breast, and that she wanted her court to toast her health by drinking from glasses shaped like her bosom. This is such a fun myth, but not true.  The glass was actually invented long before her reign, in 1663 in England.  The first story was way sexier. However other historical women have been credited with inspiring breast-shaped stemware, including Madam du Pompadour, Madame du Barry, Empress Josephine (Napoleon’s wife), Diane de Poitiers, and Helen of Troy.  And in 2008 Dom Perignon revealed a ‘coupe’ designed glass after Claudia Schiffer’s bosom.

Its no secret I love shoes, I also love cake and actually champagne. So when friends send me shoe inspired cake pictures—its fun.  These are gorgeous. Thank you Dan.

Marie Antoinette is not a hero of mine in any way, but the fact that she has her name attached to two of my favorite things is impressive, even if not true.  If there was a Marie Antoinette shoe, I might have to admire her regardless of her betrayal of the French people. So if any one out there wants to name a cake, shoe or champagne after me, I would be delighted, however I would prefer to keep my head.

Cheers!

Laura